life

As time goes by with living with cancer you do start to wonder what is it all for. You look back through your life and all the mistakes you have done and some times the mistakes you still do. Life isn't always the way you want it to be, all the dreams you may have had as a child. I was so naive at 16 and probably still the same at 26, I was very timid and shy I would rather be hurt than cause pain to some one else, not realising in many cases that they probably wouldn't have felt anything and I always came off worse. Now that my life is ending how many tears will these people shed for me, probably none. What is it all for really, we hold our inner thoughts in check, we go around in circles sometimes instead of being direct, we waste valuable time and yet we all do it, unless we are the heartless type. Maybe as my time gets shorter I might find the inner me and say exactly what I think and feel

Aging the World

No matter how hard I do try I can't lock away pain into a little box and throw away the key.  We can ask for healing as much as we want and believe me I do, but when we feel good we forget to thank for helping us feeling better and when we are bad we sound like we are demanding help.   A lady once told me to thank my body for supporting me through the days and I do try to remember this.

Sometimes in life you are always pushing for the next step, when you're young you want to be older, when your 18 you are wanting to be 21, then married, then have children, then suddenly you are old and waiting for retirement then that comes and then its waiting for death.  When you have ill days you want to next step, when you have good days you don't want it to happen.  The one thing certain in this life is that we can't go back, so wishing our lives away is stupid yet we all have done it.

What is life?  Sometimes when I'm busy at work it seems strange that we worry about whether this job gets done, what does it matter... why is it so important?  I wonder if we had not populated and developed as fast in the last 100 years would life go as fast.  I would hate to have lived through must of history as it was torment and torture, with kings and countries constantly fighting and killing I doubt we ever had an Utopia that we should have had.

We have this dream inside of us where man is equal, where living side by side is easy and fulfilling, all fantasy future films produced years ago use to show living in communities that were at peace and then someone would come along and destroy it.  That is so typical of us, our species as a whole.

If there was a garden of Eden I doubt Eve would have bitten the apple it would have been Adam, because war and power seems to be an ingrained piece of the male psyche not the woman.

If the world had a chance to start again, sorry the human had the chance to start again, could we do it where we were law abiding without being guided, could we live and share without money, no.  I know it could ever work, but it would be nice if we started again with our modern technology as it stands that we could live with manufacturing in our small communities for what we needed, ate from local produce tendered by those who prefer to work outside, hospitals ran by those who had a caring side, and none of it driven by money, just a need to live and be happy. 

Our Towns not so large, no over populated cities, rural villages all within 5 miles of each other, that would be nice and communities would once again flourish.  Children taught to be polite and caring, parents not spoiling kids and letting them do as they please.  Education instilled on subjects that mattered. 

I think as a world we are too far gone in many places, we have to hope that those who live in the amazon or the small villages in India can carry on living the way they do for many years to come, it could be they may be the only people left the rate we are going at destruction.

I hope there is a spirit world and in that world we do live at peace, in communities and share.  Yet if this was the case why did we not bring that world to this?

Another question to leave you pondering over.