Friday, 15 February 2013

Healing Exam

Finally after 4 years of study and practical work I sat my healing assessment.  My memory isn't what it use to be and considering I have completed H1 to H3 theory, higher than most who do healing, my 4 assessments and 100 practical weeks of healing you would think I would remember the 7 principals without any trouble.  Well I couldn't, my mind was a blank on Tuesday night.
 
I re-read our Code of Conduct, not that any sunk in either and the ever changing rules about pregnant ladies and underage children, not to mention our pets!  My mind was a blurr.  The SNU didn't send me my stuff back when I submitted it for the exam and sent the wrong information to the Examination Board, so I knew it wouldn't be a good day.
 
I put the information I received back from the Healing Committee into an evelope together with photocopies of everything I had sent them, log books, assessment records, letters from patients, Certificates of Theory exams, etc - if you ever sit this remember to copy the lot before sending in!  So I rushed out on Wednesday, I was late back from work, to my exam and left this information on my desk at home!  Arriving at Church and asked to hand them over I could have died there and then, rang home, thankfully my husband jumped in his car and brought them. 

The assessment was held at my old Church, I used to be Secretary there until I was taken ill, but the President and I didn't really get on, in fact I hate committee's, you find some people think they have a lot of power over a few and it shouldn't work like that.  Anyway, I saw 2 friendly faces out of the 10 present and I thought Dear God, I've failed before I start.

I had to set it up a full service, normally 2 or 3 people at least would sit an assessment together but under special circumstances and the fact that I have waited so long it was done just for me, so I had my work cut out.  By the time I got to Opening Pray I was ok but then I had 4 patients to work on, I just hoped I had enough energy to stay standing upright.
 
All went well till the last one where my hands kept slipping on her cardigan, no matter where I put them they slid down.  Yes, you're right, its a fail for this but I argued my case, the patient is a good friend to the President and ex treasurer of the Church and I'm sure she wore this on purposes!
 
It was a strange experience and my thoughts whilst deciding whether they would pass or fail me was, who are they to mark me anyway?  If they do fail me so what, I can still have healing and I can still do healing, absent healing isn't as good as hands on (in my opinion only) but it does work and they can't stop me doing that, if they do stop me practising healing in Church.  Then your mind wanders to other things while standing giving healing, my own predicament, after all I am a walking miracle ... not that I am attesting all my good luck to healing, but the fact that the last dose of chemo has worked, surely with the help of the healing.

I send healing out to many who have this same disease, especially on a Wednesday when the energy is so full on in the healing room, I imagine bright lightening strikes of healing hitting all those I ask for and lifting them.  I have no proof it works but then again when I had my first cyro the next morning as I woke at 6am they were sending healing to me and I felt no pain, in fact that morning I was on top of the world, healing or thankfulness that I knew the meso had been removed?
 
Back to my assessment, I didn't keep telling each patient that they should carry on all treatment as directed by their GP, why because I did it in my opening to the service, so I was in trouble for that too, I tried to explain that sometimes when working in close quarters it is irritating to other patients to hear it said to them then half way through their healing someone else is being told it, I found it annoying as a patient so everyone else must... maybe I am just to vocal about these things. 
 
The questions were put in such a stupid manner that when asked they had to re ask in a way that normal people understand, one question I do remember was Where is Spinal Fluid Created - Eh the Spinal Cord and Brain?  What does the SNU Healing Committee do?  There are at least 15 rules they follow, which one did they want? On top of that I couldn't remember all 15! I did get the 7 principals out without forgetting the worst one to remember, yes that's the one Compensation and Retribution hereafter for all Good and Evil Deeds Done on Earth, what a tongue tier that one is!
 
After my questions and answers I left them to it, they have decided to recommend a pass, at last I will be free not to have to keep saying I am a Trainee Healer would you prefer someone else! 
 
Funny really as a couple of years ago I was asked to be a tutor for those sitting H1, I turned it down due to everything else that was going on in my life.  Maybe this year I will accept and put others through the hard time I had .. only kidding I believe H1 should be done before the practical or at least 3 of the sections completed, that's what I did and found it easier then to understand the practicalities of it all.
 
 

Friday, 18 January 2013

Life after Death

I had a phone call yesterday to let me know a friend had died.  Vi Kipling is known throughout the UK as a wonderful spiritualist, medium and teacher.

She has suffered for years with her chest and her breathing problems, never once did she worry about dying.  When you talked one to one with her sometimes she could hardly breath but the moment she was due to work with spirit her voice boomed out.  They say that we should be happy to return to our home in spirit but I don't feel that way.  I am frightened of death, never being able to hug my husband or stroke my dogs.  The thought of my mind being stuck in a nightmare, what if there isn't another place and we are left in a state of coma, our minds still working but locked in a place we can't get out of.

I worry about the most craziest things but they are my worries. 

Thursday, 17 May 2012

life

As time goes by with living with cancer you do start to wonder what is it all for. You look back through your life and all the mistakes you have done and some times the mistakes you still do. Life isn't always the way you want it to be, all the dreams you may have had as a child. I was so naive at 16 and probably still the same at 26, I was very timid and shy I would rather be hurt than cause pain to some one else, not realising in many cases that they probably wouldn't have felt anything and I always came off worse. Now that my life is ending how many tears will these people shed for me, probably none. What is it all for really, we hold our inner thoughts in check, we go around in circles sometimes instead of being direct, we waste valuable time and yet we all do it, unless we are the heartless type. Maybe as my time gets shorter I might find the inner me and say exactly what I think and feel