Many times I seem to look back at the past and wonder if I had done this or done that would this be different or would it still be the same. I don't want to live in regret yet the way we live our life never seems right. Were we mapped out to do this and that before we were born, was there a meaning to our life, have we missed it, should we have picked up on something and changed it.
We can change some one's day by smiling at them without even knowing, we can also hurt some one by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But if you were to remember something you have done it is usually the one that upsets things, not the one that brought joy.
Having cancer you go through ups and downs, when you go through the downs you seem to constantly look at the things you that you preceive you did wrong. The nights you can't sleep your mind just sticks to every mistake you made, are you cleansing your soul before you die or giving yourself the biggest guilt trip ever! I feel guilty for the world sometimes, what we as man have done. The damage we have inflicted on each other in the name of God, wars because one believes in this or believes in that.
We all have beliefs, whether its in God (to whatever name you want to give him) or the sun or even just yourself. Why should your thoughts be any better than your neighbours, why should they be so strong that you will kill for them?
Then there's the poor animals. The way we live today our cattle are herded by quad bikes, no human contact until they stand infront of a bolt gun and get murdered, all for mass production. It would be great if we could go back to small villages that provided meat just for a few hundred and the farm animals got to live a reasonable life. Chickens weren't force fed within 6 months to be eaten, once over they got to live till at least 18 months. All these things keep me awake at night and make me feel guilty.
In spiritualism the belief is that part of God is born within, an essence of himself, is that what makes my guilt weigh heavy on my mind during the long hours of the night. Can we make our world better or are we too late.
Our population keeps growing, its growing faster than the world can accommodate. We have taken over the land and the sea. We dump waste, dig up resources and leave great big gaping holes where the oil has been extracted from. We rule the airways with waves that force birds off track and kill our bees.
We go on about sending money to the poor, instead of money maybe we should be teaching birth control, animals don't produce large families when they know droughts are due yet in these continents families are producing baby upon baby, they know that only 1 or 2 will survive but have loads to ensure that at least they have one. Why not teach them that if you put all your energy into two they will survive instead of having 10 and loosing 8, now with all our aid, those 10 survive, which over populates the world.
We have come to far to change and everything nature throws at us to reduce the growing number we find something to counteract it. So far probably the only thing nature can do is flood us out, but with that it kills the wild life. If there was a virus that wiped out the human race that would be created by man himself, we are on the way to destruction just not many have woken up to the fact.
What keeps your mind swirling at night?
