I haven't been to any healing services since the week before my hols in July. I remember sitting on the sofa on the Sunday before we flew feeling sorry for myself. My back was one of the main reasons, at the time, which was getting me down.
I asked for healing angels to come and make me feel better as I was dropping off to snooze. I remember having strange dreams and in those I felt my body being moved in a different direction to that which I was lying. When I woke I actually felt better, my back seemed to improve. On holiday I noticed the white noise wasn't as bad and I could actually lie down on the sunbeds without having a spasm run up my leg and make it impossible to get comfortable.
Then the 2nd day I spent waiting in RAMAC at Darlington, about 2.30 I felt like I wanted to be outside, for no reason other than being in the fresh air. Gary just looked at me as if I was mad but I went in search of a doctor and asked if I could go out for 15 minutes. I found out in an email later that the healing leader had asked everyone in the circle to picture me in the open air and send natures colours to help lift me and see me through whatever was to come. She asked them at 2.35 to do this, she had already planned it in her mind at 2 before the healing service started.
Each Wednesday at 2.00pm our healing service starts and each Wednesday they have all sent me healing. Did I believe absent healing was as effective as contact, upon till this week no, I thought no, it wasn't as strong.
I am missing contact healing though, I am sure that when spirit is working through spirit and then making contact with you it is stronger. The heat or cold of the worker's hands always seem to find where I need it most. I have never told them which part of me hurts etc. At the last two I managed to get to, one lady has gone to my right side. Now I know why, the meso was rearing its ugly head on that side.
We are taught all we need to do is ask. I ask every night for those who are suffering and everyone with mesothelioma. I pray for a miracle that will produce a cure to save the lives that are robbed. I am now at that place in time where I too am worried about my own demise. I fear the fact that nothing now will hold back the disease that is growing inside of me.
My stomach is really getting me down, tonight I have found a lump where one of the needles and drains went in. It's the first one, which hurt badly when the drain came out. I know it will probably be torn muscle that they ripped through but your mind does crazy things and instead of registering this thought is making me think about seeding.
Many spiritualists - not those who are just interested in connecting with spirit and passing messages, but the true believers of this great understanding, believe that we are here for a reason and the time we die is already arranged. Things may happen and freak accidents do come along but I believe they are pre ordained. I have known people walk away from a car accident with scratches where really they should have been killed, then others die in accidents that they should have walked away from.
My other worry is that if I am waiting or here for some project I need to complete will I also have to bear the pain that my condition will give me for all that time too.
I believe in reincarnation but wonder why, if I could chose my life this time round, would I give myself such an ordeal and so much pain.
I hope I get back to the healing circle shortly, I always come away feeling that much lighter in my mind and for a few hours my pains seem less.
