Absent Healing

I haven't been to any healing services since the week before my hols in July.  I remember sitting on the sofa on the Sunday before we flew feeling sorry for myself. My back was one of the main reasons, at the time, which was getting me down.

 

I asked for healing angels to come and make me feel better as I was dropping off to snooze.  I remember having strange dreams and in those I felt my body being moved in a different direction to that which I was lying.  When I woke I actually felt better, my back seemed to improve.  On holiday I noticed the white noise wasn't as bad and I could actually lie down on the sunbeds without having a spasm run up my leg and make it impossible to get comfortable.

 

Then the 2nd day I spent waiting in RAMAC at Darlington, about 2.30 I felt like I wanted to be outside, for no reason other than being in the fresh air.  Gary just looked at me as if I was mad but I went in search of a doctor and asked if I could go out for 15 minutes.  I found out in an email later that the healing leader had asked everyone in the circle to picture me in the open air and send natures colours to help lift me and see me through whatever was to come.  She asked them at 2.35 to do this, she had already planned it in her mind at 2 before the healing service started.

 

Each Wednesday at 2.00pm our healing service starts and each Wednesday they have all sent me healing.  Did I believe absent healing was as effective as contact, upon till this week no, I thought no, it wasn't as strong.

 

I am missing contact healing though, I am sure that when spirit is working through spirit and then making contact with you it is stronger.  The heat or cold of the worker's hands always seem to find where I need it most.  I have never told them which part of me hurts etc.  At the last two I managed to get to, one lady has gone to my right side.  Now I know why, the meso was rearing its ugly head on that side.

 

We are taught all we need to do is ask.  I ask every night for those who are suffering and everyone with mesothelioma.  I pray for a miracle that will produce a cure to save the lives that are robbed.  I am now at that place in time where I too am worried about my own demise.  I fear the fact that nothing now will hold back the disease that is growing inside of me. 

 

My stomach is really getting me down, tonight I have found a lump where one of the needles and drains went in.  It's the first one, which hurt badly when the drain came out.  I know it will probably be torn muscle that they ripped through but your mind does crazy things and instead of registering this thought is making me think about seeding.

 

Many spiritualists - not those who are just interested in connecting with spirit and passing messages, but the true believers of this great understanding, believe that we are here for a reason and the time we die is already arranged.  Things may happen and freak accidents do come along but I believe they are pre ordained. I have known people walk away from a car accident with scratches where really they should have been killed, then others die in accidents that they should have walked away from.

 

My other worry is that if I am waiting or here for some project I need to complete will I also have to bear the pain that my condition will give me for all that time too. 

 

I believe in reincarnation but wonder why, if I could chose my life this time round, would I give myself such an ordeal and so much pain.

 

I hope I get back to the healing circle shortly, I always come away feeling that much lighter in my mind and for a few hours my pains seem less.

Healing

It has taken me some 3 years to do my H1, H2 and H3 theory as well as the two year practical to become a certified healer for Darlington Spiritualist Church.

On Wednesday an elderly woman came in, for this I will call her B, she hasn't been for quite a while and suffers with a bad hip.  I gave her my usual warm welcome and asked how she was coping.  She told me she had a bad hip (already know but carried on smiling) and that when they replaced her hip they had used the wrong size.  I said at last you can understand why you have had so much trouble with it then went on to say I know a couple of friends who've had a hip replacement and have had no trouble.

The woman took my head off saying I wasn't a doctor nor did I know anything about her general health.  Blow me down with a feather, she was aggressive.  I have seen her in action last year when she was nasty to one of our other healers, and had to step in to calm the situation down.

I also noticed no one spoke, then all turned their back on B.  She obviously realised she had been nasty and said she wasn't coming into the service. 

B is a Buddhist and after the service a couple of regulars said they were horrified at her attitude and maybe she should practice outwardly what she believes inwardly.  I laughed it off, so I don't know her history (well not all of it, she did spend an hour telling me all her ailments last year) nor am I a doctor but now I totally understand why her own gp's haven't bothered with her, especially if she takes their head's off.

As it turned out on Wednesday there was only two of us available to act as channels for the healing to work through, so we had a busy time.  I was relieved that B didn't come in because I know the other healer would have refused to be a channel for her, yes B had been nasty to her at one time and although spiritualism is in believing we should love each other it doesn't mean we have to put up with each other. After her outburst to me I doubt she would have wanted to sit for me.  Funny how life works sometimes though. 

The energy in the healing room after we had finished channelling was wonderful, I ensured I asked for many friends who are ill with meso as well as the normal list I have. 

Whether we believe healing works or not it certainly does something, how else can you explain having at times warm and cold coming in through your clothing by someone placing their hands on your back, shoulders, etc. 

Healing Exam

Finally after 4 years of study and practical work I sat my healing assessment.  My memory isn't what it use to be and considering I have completed H1 to H3 theory, higher than most who do healing, my 4 assessments and 100 practical weeks of healing you would think I would remember the 7 principals without any trouble.  Well I couldn't, my mind was a blank on Tuesday night.

 

I re-read our Code of Conduct, not that any sunk in either and the ever changing rules about pregnant ladies and underage children, not to mention our pets!  My mind was a blurr.  The SNU didn't send me my stuff back when I submitted it for the exam and sent the wrong information to the Examination Board, so I knew it wouldn't be a good day.

 

I put the information I received back from the Healing Committee into an evelope together with photocopies of everything I had sent them, log books, assessment records, letters from patients, Certificates of Theory exams, etc - if you ever sit this remember to copy the lot before sending in!  So I rushed out on Wednesday, I was late back from work, to my exam and left this information on my desk at home!  Arriving at Church and asked to hand them over I could have died there and then, rang home, thankfully my husband jumped in his car and brought them. 

The assessment was held at my old Church, I used to be Secretary there until I was taken ill, but the President and I didn't really get on, in fact I hate committee's, you find some people think they have a lot of power over a few and it shouldn't work like that.  Anyway, I saw 2 friendly faces out of the 10 present and I thought Dear God, I've failed before I start.

I had to set it up a full service, normally 2 or 3 people at least would sit an assessment together but under special circumstances and the fact that I have waited so long it was done just for me, so I had my work cut out.  By the time I got to Opening Pray I was ok but then I had 4 patients to work on, I just hoped I had enough energy to stay standing upright.

 

All went well till the last one where my hands kept slipping on her cardigan, no matter where I put them they slid down.  Yes, you're right, its a fail for this but I argued my case, the patient is a good friend to the President and ex treasurer of the Church and I'm sure she wore this on purposes!

 

It was a strange experience and my thoughts whilst deciding whether they would pass or fail me was, who are they to mark me anyway?  If they do fail me so what, I can still have healing and I can still do healing, absent healing isn't as good as hands on (in my opinion only) but it does work and they can't stop me doing that, if they do stop me practising healing in Church.  Then your mind wanders to other things while standing giving healing, my own predicament, after all I am a walking miracle ... not that I am attesting all my good luck to healing, but the fact that the last dose of chemo has worked, surely with the help of the healing.

I send healing out to many who have this same disease, especially on a Wednesday when the energy is so full on in the healing room, I imagine bright lightening strikes of healing hitting all those I ask for and lifting them.  I have no proof it works but then again when I had my first cyro the next morning as I woke at 6am they were sending healing to me and I felt no pain, in fact that morning I was on top of the world, healing or thankfulness that I knew the meso had been removed?

 

Back to my assessment, I didn't keep telling each patient that they should carry on all treatment as directed by their GP, why because I did it in my opening to the service, so I was in trouble for that too, I tried to explain that sometimes when working in close quarters it is irritating to other patients to hear it said to them then half way through their healing someone else is being told it, I found it annoying as a patient so everyone else must... maybe I am just to vocal about these things. 

 

The questions were put in such a stupid manner that when asked they had to re ask in a way that normal people understand, one question I do remember was Where is Spinal Fluid Created - Eh the Spinal Cord and Brain?  What does the SNU Healing Committee do?  There are at least 15 rules they follow, which one did they want? On top of that I couldn't remember all 15! I did get the 7 principals out without forgetting the worst one to remember, yes that's the one Compensation and Retribution hereafter for all Good and Evil Deeds Done on Earth, what a tongue tier that one is!

 

After my questions and answers I left them to it, they have decided to recommend a pass, at last I will be free not to have to keep saying I am a Trainee Healer would you prefer someone else! 

 

Funny really as a couple of years ago I was asked to be a tutor for those sitting H1, I turned it down due to everything else that was going on in my life.  Maybe this year I will accept and put others through the hard time I had .. only kidding I believe H1 should be done before the practical or at least 3 of the sections completed, that's what I did and found it easier then to understand the practicalities of it all.